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  • The Mediocre Moms Club

Breastfeeding -My cold, hard truth

I didn’t enjoy it. I actually probably pushed myself to do it a little longer than I should have. I didn’t have many issues breastfeeding. My baby latched well and I had a good supply, but he was always a lengthy feeder and I truly just hated it. I personally found it frustrating and a bit of an inconvenience. Hell, I even started my baby on bottles at 3 weeks old for the sole purpose of being able to leave the house without him.

I tried pumping -also not for me. The mere thought of knowing I had to find a plug somewhere or sit in the truck to pump just straight up annoyed me. I’m a social person. I didn’t want to be away from the crowd, sitting on the floor somewhere with major FOMO. In addition to that, I became obsessed with building my freezer stash. I would drudgingly continue to breastfeed and pump just so my stash wouldn’t dwindle away. I would force myself to pump when I didn’t feel like it and chronically count the bags in my freezer.

I toughed it out for 3 months, and like I mentioned before, it was longer than I should have. By then I had had enough. I was miserable, irritable and overall not in a good headspace. We started our babe on straight bottles, with what I had stashed away from pumping, mixed with formula. Eventually, we were onto just formula. It didn’t make me sad knowing I was breastfeeding for the last time or that we wouldn’t have that special bond anymore that people talk about -I just didn’t have those feelings surrounding breastfeeding. There is a lot of light shed on the fact that fed is best, which I couldn’t agree with more, but it’s usually used in a context where, if you’re having troubles breastfeeding, you shouldn’t feel guilty -fed is best and which ever method you use to feed your child is nothing to be ashamed of. I spent a lot of time feeling guilty that there were so many women out there struggling with latch and milk supply, among countless other issues. Issues that I didn’t have. My main reason to quit breastfeeding was simple -I truly just didn’t enjoy it. Now, when I think back on it, I couldn’t have made a better decision for my baby and I. My mental health was plummeting and I was starting to resent my baby for it. My point is, none of this makes me a bad mom. In fact, I have no doubt in my mind that I’m a great mom. I wasn’t thriving in motherhood, so I made a change that was best for ME. Babies are adaptable, but they need us to take care of ourselves too. My feelings, reasons and decision to stop breastfeeding are nothing to be ashamed of. I’m just your average mom trying to survive the ups and downs of motherhood. I know somewhere out there, there’s got to be at least one other mom holding onto the guilt of giving up and willing it to get better. I hope this finds you and leaves you feeling a little less lonely.

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